(Side note: This was before Some Guy became Conspiracy) * The Third Script Style Terranigma Fanfic That Is More Centered On The Terranigma Community, With Lots Of Injokes, Namedly The Third For Those Who Can't Count * - A Terranigma Fanfic Script By Dais\ Sound Effects By Bigfoot Key Grip: Mister Penguin Dubbing: Takayaka No-smear Potato Giant Waffles By Design A CMOT-Dibbler Production With A Thousand Elephants!) * Starring: -Dais (as Dais) -Narrator (as Gaspar rip-off) -Cherubae (as TMNT Goddess) -Snape (as Snape) -Ark (as Our Hero) -Yomi (as Strange Pink Thing) -Perel (as Bloody Annoying Young Urban Black) -Guardian (as Cool Guy) -Hamlet (as Demonic Pig) -Royd (as Royd The Psycho) Mascots: -Turbo The Mutant Wonder Dog (as a mascot) -Splodge (ditto) -Daisy, The Drugged, Nauseous Chocobo (ditto) -Ooroo, The Maniac-Depressive Imp (ditto) -Kappek,The Moogle With A Bladder Control Problem (ditto) Assorted Choruses: -Terranigma Fans (as Raving Fanatics) -Heavenly Creatures (as Chippy) -Little Strange Dancing Things (you don't want to know) -Illegal Immigrants (including one with a sombrero) With A Special Appearance By: -Tellah (and his whacking stick) More then ever before! Great as the skies and mountains! Tremendous and titanic! A moving and powerful drama! The eighth wonder of the world! 34.75 Us, 23435964532042905430549483479074.254356342698407276 Canadian * (Scene: Dark and stormy night) (Scene: Sunny beach) (Scene: Chilly Arctic tundra) (Scene: Hot, humid rain forest) (Scene: Suburban living room) (Scene: Hospital's emergency room) (Scene: The blazing insides of a volcano) (Scene: Surface of the moon, overlooking Earth) (Scene: Underground tunnel) (Scene: Sewer) Dais: That's it! Who the hell is messing with the projector? Narrator: Not me! Turbo: Bnartyarg? Dais: That means... (Tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup-Click-tup tup tup-Click-tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup tup-Click-Click-Click-Whack-Whack -Wham-Bloody door, why's it always stick-Whack-Click-tup tup tup tup) Dais: What the- Ark: Hey-yah! (He leaps screaming at the projector, slamming his pike into it and shearing off another stream of film. By now, the projector is looking pretty beaten up) Dais: Hey! Ark: (Jumping around) Hey-hoo-ha! Dais: Stop that! Ark: (Stops, turns around in circles, again and again) Gee-dang! Dais: Ummmm.... Ark: (Bouncing) Argh argh aaaaargh! (Runs at wall) Yoooooooo- (WHACK) Ark: (Laying on the ground, blood streaming from his face) Hey-yo! Dais: Idiot. (POOF) Yomi: Heheheheheheheheheh.... Dais: DAMMIT! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! Yomi: Eeep! (Dais takes Ark's weapon, and chases Yomi around the room) Dais: Here bat, bat, bat..... Yomi: Help! Ark: (Dazed) No man knows my name. (Dais and Yomi stop, stare at Ark) Dais: Huh? Yomi: Ummm....(Flies over to Ark, and sniffs him) What I thought... Dais: What is it? Yomi: You know that....that...the stuff....that stuff that floats? Dais: Crystal Blue? Ark: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! (Leaps up, grabs Dais, and begins to slam his head against the ground) Dais: Ow! Ow! Damn-ow! Yomi: Yeah, that's it. Crystal Blue. Ark: (Looks up) Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huhhhhhhhhh....(Flops down, unconscious) Dais: (Holding head) Oooowwwwwww..... Yomi: And thats what happens when you inhale it. Dais: Oohhhhhhhhh......(Looks up) Just get him out of here, 'k? Yomi: Sure thing. (The Magical Funky Box appears, and Yomi+Ark get sucked into it) Dais: Oh, man...the projector... * Narrator: Hmm hmm hmm..... Cherubae: La dee da... (Snape whistles) Turbo: Barg htarg nayarg.... (Thump thump thump) Narrator: So, waddya think he's doing? Cherubae: Dais? (Thump thump thump) Snape: I'm whistling. Cherubae: Shut up. (Thump thump) Cherubae: Probably just fooling around... (Thump thump CLICK) Narrator: Oh, I dunno... Snape: (Whistling) Whhhhhhhe.... (Chunk cha-THUNK) Turbo: (Musical) Nyarg blarg, targ arg darg arg yaharg barg.... Cherubae: This sucks. (Ka-zzzzzzzzzzz-chikchikchikchikchikchik-zzzzzzzzz-tok) Narrator: (Getting into it) Oh, I'm singing in the....uh... Cherubae: Theater. Narrator: Um, yeah. (Ka-zzzzzzzzzing-chikchikchikchik-zzzz) Snape: (He's still whistling) Cherubae: Hell, why not? (Clear throat, the sings. Slightly off key) 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teenage Mutant...' (Everyone else stops and stares and her. CLICK-thump thump thump-thud) Cherubae: (Turns red) Eh....heh...heh? Turbo: Yarg. (Thump thump-WHACK!) Narrator: I'm bored. Snape: Grin and bear it! Cherubae: Shut up. Narrator: Isn't there anything better to do? (Tup tup tup-Click-tup tup tup-Click-tup tup tup tup tup-fwip-tup tup-aaaaaaaahhhhhhnonononoahhhhhhnonocrapaaaahhharggghhhnononondamnowowahhhhh aaaarrrghhhnonodamndamndamndamnowowowarrrrghhhdamndamndamn-THUD) Cherubae: What was that? Dais: Carga fripping nabber-snippern kagga-shinko.... (He stops, a bloody, heaving mess, and stares directly at them) Narrator: Uh... Turbo: Barg....arg... Cherubae: Er....ah... Snape: (Cheery) Hi there! (Glare. Dais turns, and sees the screen. Specifically, the blank screen) Cherubae: Ummmmmm... Dais: F***! Narrator: What? Dais: GOD F***ING DAMMIT! F*** IT ALL! F***ING HELL! Cherubae: Are you allright? Dais:(Clears throat ) *(^)$#$@#$(*^(&(_*^)(^&%^%#%@#^YW%$#@$#*&)(&*%&$^%#^$% @#$!#@&^%$#%^$#%$@$#%@$#%@$#^%$^%$%*&%*&^%&^*%^$$%#$^#^%^&*)%$&&($*^%*&(%^$%# (O*&^(^*^%$^$^%$#%$#*&^$*&(%&^$%#$##^%$^&^%(*%&(%&%(&%(%&%%$#&%$&^%*)&(^$%^% *&%$&%&^*$^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Snape: Geez. He sounds like Cid.... Cherubae: I know! (She magically conjures a thousand TMNT band aids) Narrator: Huh? Dais: %&$(%&$^%$#*^%^*&(^*&^*(%^($^%$^*&^(&*^^%$%$#(&($^^%#@$^%*$- (Cherubae waves a hand. The band aids form into a giant band aid, and wrap around Dais. He- yeah, you guessed it- shuts up.) Dais: Mmmmph! Cherubae: Thus- the power of TMNT! Narrator: Um. Wouldn't it me 'THE TMNT?' (Glare) Cherubae: THUS- the POWER of THE TMNT!!!!!! Snape: Are you sure they're teenargers? Dais: Mmmph! Cherubae: Huh? Dais: Mmmphmmmphmmph! Narrator: Oh, you mean 'The Mutant Ninja Turtles?' (Snickers) Snape: Toddler Mutant Ninja Turtles! (Does a little dance) Narrator: (Thinking) Hmm...Old, Grumpy Mutant Ninja Turtles Who Bitch About Everything? Snape: (Thinking) Er....nah, doesn't flow. Dais: Mmmmphmmph! Cherubae: PYRO RING! Snape: Hah! I was prepared! SNOW RING! Narrator: And I! I have the SKY RING! Dais: Mmmmmph? Turbo: Yarg blarg HATGARG! Splodge (who appears out of nothingness) Woof WOOF! Dais: Mmmphmmph? Snape: We appear to be equal! Cherubae: Not for long! Hah! (She raises a hand, and a portal opens up beside her. Strangely enough, it's green.) Portal: Aaaaaaaaa... Narrator: Um, how can a portal say anything? Cherubae: Cursed souls of the damned, you idiot! Cursed souls of the damned! (And from the portal, many apparitions appear: Cyrus, Wertigon, Ear, Ska, etc) Cherubae: Hah! Snape: Two can play at this game! (Another portal appears. In Tenchicolor! From it comes: Pavarinci, Gorfious Baboon, a clone of Dais, and, oddly enough, Dark Gaia) Snape: Yesh! Dark Gaia! DG: Huh? Oh, damn, not again! (Starts chanting) Snape: Hey! DG: Ommma komma illusionofgaiareallysucked omma POOF! (Everyone watches him) Snape: Huh? DG: Oh, hell. Clap on! (He claps his hands and disappears) Snape: Noooo! Cherubae: Haha! Dais: Mmmph? Dais 2: Uh.... Dais: Mmmmpphmmmph? Dais 2: What the hell is going on here? Snape: Two Dais's? Cherubae: Hey! Dais is on my board too! (Another Dais pops out of the green portal) Dais: Mmmmph! Dais 2: Dammit! Dais 3: You had to do that, didn't you? Cherubae: Heheh.. Snape: ATTACKKKKKKK! (No-one moves) Cherubae: What s is wrong? Ahh...this feeling... Dais: Mmmph! Snape: It's as if...as if... Dais: Mmmmmph! Dais 2: What's going on? Dais 3: Any tea? Narrator: The universe is unbalanced....the powers are not equal.. All ('cept the Dais's, Turbo, Splodge, and the Narrator): Huh? Dais: (Jumping up and down) MMMMPH! Dais 2: You're right! Dais 3: There's one board left! (Everyone turns to the original Dais) All: Ohhhhhhhh. Dais: Mmmmph! ( A realllllllly tiny portal appears.) Dais: Mmmph. (The portal glows light blue) Dais: Mmmmmm.... (Nothing happens) Dais: MMMMPHMMMPHMMMPH! (Suddenly, some guy jumps out) Nameless Guy: Free XXX hot porn! Dais: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMPH!!!!! (Acting on unseen instincts, the two Dais clones grab the name less guy and beat him to death) Cherubae: I see now.. Dais 3: So, you were blind before? Dais: Mmmph! Snape: Wha... (The portal twists for a moment. Another Dais clone pops out.) Dais: Mmmph! Mmmph! Dais 2: Arrrghhh! Noo! Dais 3: Aaaahhhhhh! Nononono! Dais 4: Ah! Arrgarrgarggahh! Dais: Mmmph! Cherubae:What's happening? Narrator: Get back! They're unstable! Snape: Huh? Narrator: GET BACK! Dais: Mmmph! (The ground shakes. Everyone except all four Dais's run and hide. Dais looks on in horror) Dais: Mmmmph!!!!! (SHA-FOOOMPH!) Dais: Mmmmmmmmmmmmm! (Standing where the clones were are three figures: Johnny, Wheels, and The Man. Dais faints.) Snape: Wimp. (Dais gets back up, looks at Snape) Snape: Huh? Dais: Mmmph! Snape: What? No! (Even though Dais is wrapped up in the TMNT bandage, he is quite capable of inflicting damage) Dais: Mmmph. (The following scene sounds a bit like: Mmmphnononommmphnoobuggernobuggerbuggermmmphmmmphmmmmphnonoarrrghgowowowno nonommmphmmmmmphmmmnononobuggerbuggernonowowowowowowowownononobuggerbugerm mmphmmphmmmphmmmphnononoarrghhmmmphnono- Huh? Where'd he go? I must'veNONONOBLOODYF**KING HELLNONOBUGGERBUGGERBUGGER NONONOBUGGERBUGGER- Mmmph. You really don't want to hear the description..) Snape: (Snape is unconscious. Well, something like that. Hopefully not permanent) Cherubae: That was unneedfully graphic. The Man: That's why Pong is so great! The graphics are good, but it's never overwhelming! Dais: Mmmmph! Johnny: Hi. My name is Johnny. But it's not really. Is your name Johnny? Cherubae: Huh? Cyrus: What could this new terror be? *nt* Wertigon: God dammit, Cyrus! Why can't you- Cyrus: Wrong script. Wertigon: Oh, yeah. Pavarinci: Um.. I may be able to help.. (Everyone turns to him. 'cept for the Damned Trio) Cherubae: Yes? Pavarinci: Well, you see.... I'm not really sure....but I think...Snape knows...but.. Cherubae: TELL ME RIGHT NOW, YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE MAN! Pavarinci: oh! thatseasy-hehe, these threee guys are Dais's alter-egos? yeah hehe I think. Cherubae: (Turns to Dais) Izzat so? (Dais tries to whistle. Can't really with band aid stuck across mouth. Realizing this, he begins to inch away from the others) Cherubae: Get him! Cyrus: Why? *nt* Wertigon: Goddammit, Cyrus! Why can't- Cyrus: (He's MAD!) WILL YOU SHUT THE F*** UP!!!!!!! Wertigon: Ooops. Cyrus: (Huffing) *nt* *nt* *nt* *nt* *nt* *nt* *nt* *nt* *nt* Cherubae: Get him, you idiots!! (WHACK!) Dais: Mmmmmmmmmm......... Cherubae: Awright, now take off that band aid! Wertigon: Okay! (RIIIIIIIP!) Dais: OWWWWW! F***! Wertigon: Wheee! (Pause) Now what? Hmmm....Goddammit Cyrus, why can't- Cyrus: *NT*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (WHAM) Cyrus: Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu...... Cherubae: Calm down, Cyrus. You have that look again... Cyrus: What look? Cherubae: Never mind. Dais: Okay, okay, I couldn't come up with a better joke involving Wertigon! I'm sorry, Snape! I'm really sorry! Cherubae: ????? Cyrus: ????? Ska: ???? Gorfious Baboon: ????? Pavarinci: ????? Ear: ????? Some Guy (The Terranigma player, not the porn guy. He's dead): ???? Terranigma Freak: ???? aurabeam: ????? (Insert a 'nigma fan here) Johnny: Belch. The Man: I mean, I just love Pong! Wheels: yOu al sck!!1! Dais: Never mind. Cherubae: Dais, can you explain these foul creatures? Dais: Um, okay. Well, you see, long ago, the universe was just a small, formless mass. Then what is often referred to as the 'Big Bang' occurred, in which- Cherubae: DOMATH CALON T'AE UNI SHA'NK-CAL SHOTH! (Everyone looks at her) Dais: What the hell? Cyrus: Huh? *nt* Snape: Hmmm? Dais: Hey..... you're dead! Snape: (Getting up) No, I'm unconscious. If I was dead, I couldn't be saying this. Cyrus: Um. Snape? Snape: Yes, oh *nt*ing one? Cyrus: Are you what is normally accepted as 100% human? Snape: Yesssss..... Dais: So if I ripped off my head, I would still live? Snape: What? Cyrus: What about 'Theoretem?' Or 'Terranigma- The Sequel?' Dais: Yeah! Snape: What the hell are you two talking about? Cherubae: Um. Hey. All: WHAT? Cherubae: Eeep! Snape: Ah, screw this. I'm going back to nap-nap land. (He falls over) Dais: Um. Where were we? Cyrus: Cherubae was saying something? Cherubae: Yeah, I was just trying to say that- Dais: As I recall, you had just uttered a demonic chant. Cyrus: (Looking up) Not necessarily. Dais: Huh? Oh, never mind you. Why a demonic chant? Cyrus: (Still looking up) Umm....could be....heavenly? Cherubae: Shut up, Cyrus. I dunno. I just felt like saying it. Cyrus: (Looking up) Umm...you might even say....seraphic? Dais: What? Oh, be quiet. Umm. What were we originally talking about? Cyrus: (Looking up) You know....um...religious category? Cherubae: Can't remember. Something about three things or some movie. Either or. Cyrus: (Looking up) Uh...guys.... Dais: (Irritated) What the hell do you want? Cyrus: (Pointing up) They're heeeeeeeeerrrrreeeee..... (Everyone looks up. Well, in fact, only Cherubae and Dais do. Hell, man, haven't you been keeping track? Well, for those of you who have fallen behind: Cyrus: Is looking up. Dais, Cherubae: Just looked up Snape, Wertigon: Hanging around. Well, hanging. Around. Other fans: Er. Terranigma Freak is telling everyone to go play Fire Emblem 4, Some Guy is telling him to shut up, and the other are just sitting around. Dark Gaia: He's gone. Nameless guy: Dead, if you remember. The Hellish Trio: Johhny's saying 'Belch,' The Man's murmuring about Pong, and Wheels is telling everyone who listens (no-one) that they suck. Dais Clones: Gee, you haven't been following the plot very well, have you? Ark and Yomi: Kick boxing. Believe or not, Ark's winning. Narrator, Splodge, and Turbo: They're having a nice game of cards, thank you. All those who have not entered yet: They're hanging around backstage, trying to remember their lines, and making crude jokes about Bloody Mary. There. Wasn't that nice?) Dais: Oh. My. Cherubae: Um. Cyrus: Er. (A cloud of heavenly creatures have descended from the heavens. They speak) HC: Greetings, mortal creatures. Cyrus: (Quiet) *nt* Dais: Oooohhh... Cherubae: Uh. Er. H....hi? HC: We are cherubim and seraphim. We are angels. We are the entity known as 'Chippy.' (Pause) Cherubae: Okay. That's it. I'm leaving. Goodbye. Dais: Hey, Cherubae! Don't go away. Cherubae: Things are getting very strange. Goodbye. (She begins to walk away. 'Chippy' waves some hands, and her legs are frozen. She can't move at all.) Cherubae: What? Chippy: Mortal, you have called us. And we shalt do your bidding. Cyrus: Huh? Dais: Uh? Cherubae: My bidding? (Her eyes look towards the Hellish Trio, the raving fans taking up valuable space on her message board, the miscreants and the fools. She gets an idea.) Cherubae: Hmmmm.... * Dais: Well, that was easy. Cyrus: And to think, one bagel took care of it all. Dais: What the hell are you talking about? Cyrus: Dunno. *nt* Cherubae: (Happy) La-dee da, dee-da, dee-da... Dais: And to think one nuke took care of it all. Cherubae: Laaaaa..... (Everyone else is lying around, charred and smoking, moaning, swearing to never act against Cherubae.) Chippy: Your wish is granted, mortal. Cherubae: (Ignoring) Hummmmm....de hummmmmmm..... Dais: Hey, Chippy. Chippy: Yes, mortal? Dais: I have a request. Cyrus: Whatcha going ta do? Chippy: Yes? Dais: Well, I have a little request for Cherubae. You know, a fantasy, a dream. Chippy: Yes? Dais: (Nervous) Welllll....(whispers into a nearby seraphs's ear.) Chippy: (After a moment) Yes, mortal, we shall do that. Your wish shall be granted. Dais: Good. Then you are released. (Chippy smiles, then floats back into heaven) Cyrus: Hey, what if I wanted a wish? Dais: Just trust me on this, okay? It was Cherubae's summon, anyway. Cyrus: Oh well. Hey, Cher? You coming? Cherubae: (Distracted) Hmmm? What? Dais: We're leaving. We can't remember why we were here anyway... Cyrus: Hell, I wasn't even here before the battle. Cherubae: (Smiling) Yeah, okay... Dais: Okay. Hey, let's get some doughnuts! Cyrus: Yeah, whatever.... (They leave) * (Several minutes later) Snape: They're gone. Good. (He gets up) Snape: Now, what was it? 'Doma coolon...?' Oh, forget it! (He raises his hand) Snape: Get you holy ass down here NOW! (Chippy descends from heaven) Chippy: Yes, mortal? Snape: You got any more wishes? Chippy: One more wish, mortal. One more wish. Snape: Hmmm. Okay, come here. (A little cherub flies near him) Snape: (Whispers) Pssst psst psst... Chippy: Psst? What does that mean? Snape: Uhhh....(Whispers into the cherub's ear.) (Pause) Snape: Got that? Chippy: Yes, mortal. Your wish shall be granted. Snape: Sweeeet. * (Much, much, much, much, muchly much later) * (In some sewers) Voice: Wish number one. (Pause) Voice: Granted. (POOF!) Cherubae: Huh? Where am I? Turtle: Hey, look! Turtle 2: It's the goddess Cherubae! Turtle 3: She shall lead us! The prophecies are true! Cherubae: The TMNT? Turtle 4: She said our name! Turtle 2: Oh, glorious day! Cherubae: Neato-keeno! A wish come true! All: Yayyyy! Voice: Wish number two. Cherubae: Huh? What? Voice: Granted. (POOF!) (Same scene, except Cherubae and the TMNT are dressed up as Sailor Moon and the Sailor Scouts) Cherubae: What? Turtles: Huh? What has happened? (A weird little cat appears) Cat: Some crap about destiny, magic wands, need to do nudie transformation sequences, wear stupid outfits, and totally alienate the American public to the wonder of anime. Cherubae: NOOOOOOOOOO! *The End* +Any characters marked with this did not actually appear in the story. So ha. (Author's Nose: It's like any other, really) (Author's Notes: GHOST IN THE SHELL! YEEEHAAA! RECORD OF LODOSS WAR! KICKASS! YAY! Oh, nevermind.) (Authors Real Notes: Man, this was a pain to write. But, well, funny as hell for me. I sorta skimped near the end, and left out details. But you can guess that. Still, it was all worth it for the Sailor Moon gag ^-^. Another thing about this fanfic: It's really confusing. Okay, the original plot was to be about all the Terranigma fans in a theater, waiting to see the movie version of Terranigma. I kept trying to find ways to work that back in, but I never got one. Eventually, I gave up, and turned the plot to be about a huge battle between Cherubae and the Hellish Trio. That too went down the loo. Ah, well. I know I said at the beginning that all those characters would be involved, but I've decided, quite conveniently, not to have them yet. Fear not, as soon as I can get my &%^(*%ing, &()*^&*^*&%^ed web page up, there will be toons to no end. If you don't know what I mean, go check out the Floating Island, a neat little site. Ah, gomen nasai something or other. Cheers!)