Cojiro: Terranigma Profiles have sent me here, to Storkholm, where we have secured an exclusive interview with hero of the world Ark, and... hero's... 'friend'... Elle, who did relatively little. Let's go and see what they're up to!

Scene - A house in Storkholm, with Ark and Elle sitting on a sofa opposite Cojiro

Cojiro: Well, Ark and Elle, welcome to Terranigma Profiles.

Ark: Hello!

Elle: Hello.

Cojiro: Let's start with you, Ark... we all know you travelled a lot during the time you were saving the world. Where do you call home?

Ark: Thats a complex question Cojiro! I have travelled a lot! Wargh! I don't know!

Cojiro: ...don't... don't worry about it... you can just calm down a bit if you want.

Ark: I will! I'm calm! Everything I say that isnt totally serious has to have exclamation marks!

Cojiro: Right... so where do you call home, Elle?

Elle: I originally come from deep underground, in a place not entirely unlike Storkholm, but obviously not Storkholm.

Cojiro: ...underground...

Elle: Yes. It's really a magical place. Lovely sky. Great clouds.

Cojiro: How... does an underground town have a sky?

Elle: It's crystal blue. It doesnt need explanation. It's crystal blue.

Cojiro: Okay... i can accept that... but how could a town exist underground, away from the sun...

Elle: Oh, we had our own sun. Ark saw that once, didn't you Ark.

Ark: Yes! I saw it! Statues and such!

Elle: Yes, statues. Cold place. Very dark, too.

Cojiro: ...a dark... sun... How did that perform the functions of a sun?

Elle: I didn't ask questions, i just accepted the fact that our sun was cool enough for people ro walk inside it.

Cojiro: ...let's move on. Elle, it was reported that you had a twin who died to save Ark... is this actually true?

Elle: Yes, it's true. She was a princess of some sort. A bit bitchy, actually. Never spoke. She was not entirely unlike me, but obviously wasn't me. Do you see?

Cojiro: Who was she, then?

Elle: I don't know if she had any relevance. Or am I the princess? Ark?

Ark: I thought you were the princess!

Elle: Well maybe i am the princess. The other Elle was a real fancy girl. Didn't like her one bit. Got in the way. Complex love triangle between me, her and Ark.

Cojiro: ...wasn't there another girl... uhmm... Meilin?

Elle: Oh yes, Meilin. She was an anal retentive wasn't she?

Ark: That girl had spunk!

Cojiro: What.. do you mean?

Ark: She was a real go-getter! Always trying to help!

Cojiro: But... in your auto-biography, entitled 'Behind the Hero', you stated that she tried to trick you several times... locked you in prison... always cried?

Ark: Well I should imagine she did! Got me into a whole bunch of crap, that one!

Cojiro: Do you remember her fondly?

Ark: Meilin... she was just a little kid. I was leading her on, to places she was too young to go to. In a way, i blame myself for her downfall in Dragoon Castle. She made good in the end, though, didn't she. Until my actions eventually killed her.

Cojiro: ...

Cojiro: Elle... you had very little part in the process of resurrecting the world, didnt you. Where do you think you fit in?

Elle: Apart from attempting to kill Ark, who is thought of as a God today, i think i helped by weaving a prayer into the armour i made for him. The very same armour he wore at the very end...

Ark: You tried to kill me? When!

Elle: You were younger. Odd that while you aged, i didnt seem to.

Cojiro: Well, you can't account for time all the time, can you?

Ark: Time's got spunk! I like it!

Elle: It was Ark's feelings for me that made him carry on his difficult journey. Without me, we'd all be screwed!

Cojiro: Why... do you think this?

Elle: Well it's obvious isn't it? Who else would he have been thinking of? They don't have the character I do!

Cojiro: What about... the other Elle?

Elle: Doesn't have the character!

Ark: Fyda!?

Elle: Doesn't have the character!

Cojiro: The villagers in his home town?

Elle: They don't have the character!

Ark: The kids at Kindsgart!?

Elle: Don't have the character!

Cojiro: Elle, from Crysta.

Elle: Doesn't have the character!

Cojiro: ...that's you.

Elle: I don't have the character! I'm totally unbelieveable as a character!

Cojiro: ...maybe you could clear this up for us Ark, who were you thinking of?

Ark: I was trying to get a good line to chat up girls with! 'Did you see me save the world?'! It's a great line!

Cojiro: ...who would you have said that line to?

Ark: I always had a thing for that girl, that jumped, in Crysta! I was thinking - if she can move like that normally, what would she be like in bed!?

Cojiro: ...she looked about... 12 from the pictures i saw.

Ark: Little minx in the bedroom. Rawr!

Cojiro: ...let's move on to Beruga. He was closely related to the Elder, wasn't he. Did it feel bad, knowing this, Elle?

Elle: Naturally, Cojiro, I didn't like seeing Ark go out and revive an evil world. So i started plotting from the inside, to destroy Beruga!

Cojiro: ...how would you have done that?

Elle: I never got that far. I asked the other people for help - but they didn't have the character!

Cojiro: ...would it not have been easier to take out... the elder? Wasn't he the main figure of evil? Didn't you know that from Ark's birth?

Elle: Yes, you would imagine I would have thought of that. But i didn't see the elder as a real threat - he didn't have the c-

Cojiro: But Ark, why did you resurrect Beruga? Had you not earlier been in Mosque finding out about his evil plans?

Ark: Well, that was the theory, yes! But I don't really think about what i'm doing in dungeons! Sometimes, i just go to the nearest place that looks dungeon-like, without even knowing why! It always worked out!

Cojiro: You're saying that... you often didn't know what you were doing... or why?

Ark: Exactly! Crazy, isn't it!

Cojiro: Right... uhm... Elle. During Ark's journey, you had fewer lines that fringe character Liem. How did that make you feel?

Elle: I said a lot of things to the people in Crysta during Ark's journey. That never got noticed, did it?

Cojiro: ...well... i'm sure Liem could equally argue he said lots of things that weren't noticed either...

Elle: It's quality, not quantity!

Cojiro: In one of the most powerful scenes in the story, Liem interacts with Ark without even talking, giving him the starstone and helping him out. That was minimal quantity, and had huge... quality...

Elle: Too many cooks spoil the broth!

Ark: But there weren't that many full speaking parts in Terranigma, where there!

Cojiro: I'd say you were one of... maybe 10 characters, Elle. Thats not exactly 'too many'.

Elle: Takes one to know one!

Cojiro: ...I...

Elle: You're making a silk purse out of a sow's hand!

Ark: ...did you even have a theme tune?

Elle: I had too much character! I didn't need a theme tune!

Cojiro: I think she did... it was used quite sporadically...

Elle: If you're implying i am medievil, then i will fight you to the bone.

Cojiro: ...Ark, let's move on to the end of your adventure. What are your fondest memories of the period of time after you left most of your friends smashed to pieces in a smoking airship in Australia?

Ark: Well obviously that was a fun time for me! I liked buying a house, and the smiles at Mac's were always worth the money!

Cojiro: ...weren't they free? Wasn't that the only thing that was free there.. at Mac's?

Ark: They were free! Thats what i meant, they were the best free things in my journey!

Cojiro: Better than the free meal and room at Bounty's inn that one time?

Ark: Ultimately better! Infinitely better!

Elle: I had a larger part than Bounty. Most people regard him as a pivotal character - thats how underappreciated i am.

Ark: Attempted murder is a serious crime, Elle!

Elle: Oh hush. At least i'm not a gull.

Ark: While we're on the subject of me being a gull, bestiality is a serious crime, too!

Elle: Well, i wasn't begging for it. I find it hard to believe that the animal is never prosecuted for his role.

Cojiro: .......I... are you speaking from... experience?

Elle: I don't feel the need to answer that.

Cojiro: ...let's wrap things up. Do either of you ever get recognised in the street?

Ark: Well naturally, i get noticed several times on a trip to the store from my house in Loire! People come up to me and ask me all kinds of things! They want to know about my adventures!

Cojiro: Okay, excellent. And Elle, do people come up to you and talk about your life?

Elle: Well they try to - but they don't have the character!

Cojiro: ...okay... well, Ark and Elle, thank you very much for your time.

Elle: Don't mention it, darling.

Ark: No problem!

Cojiro: ...

The End