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(Yeah, yeah. I know my name isn't exactly descriptive of my Terranigma allegiances, but I created this screen name about a year and a half before I discovered Terranigma and I am too lazy to change it to something more appropriate. So deal with it. Any way, on to...)
(The scene opens. Ark returns to the bird sanctuary, after defeating the Dark Twins at GreCliff. He walks in and discovers all of the birds)
Ark: Hey, yeah! Look at all these friendly birds. Maybe I can finally get something to eat. I mean bulbs aren't the most filling foods that the programmers gave me…
Bird: The Kingbirds nest at the top of the cliff!
Ark: "Kingbird?" They sound nice and big. Maybe I should check them out.
(He climbs the cliff)
Ark: Holy shit! These guys are pretty big! Well, about as big as a seagull, but I'm hungry NOW! Hey, you look nice and juicy, come here.
(Ark prods a Kingbird with his spear and advances)
Kingbird: What the f***?!?! Ark, we're your friends! You don't want to eat us!
Ark: Like hell I don't.
Kingbird: HEEEELP!
(All the Kingbirds flock around the two. They eye Ark nastily.)
Ark: Shit. I guess that wasn't such a good idea…
(The Kingbirds attack)
Ark OhmygodIdonwannadie!!!!!!!!!!!! FFVIIFREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(A poof of smoke, and FFVIIFREAK appears)
FFVIIFREAK: What the hell?
(The Kingbirds continue attacking Ark)
Ark: Help me, goddamit!
(the birds stop and turn to face FFVIIFREAK)
FFVIIFREAK (nervously): What the f*** am I supposed to do?!?!?! I'm just a freaking gameplayer! I don't even know how I got here! (The Kingbirds attack) AIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ark: I just needed a distraction.
(He charges in among the Kingbirds, killing them left and right. After killing off the entire population of Kingbirds, he looks around. FFVIIFREAK is huddled on the ground.)
Ark: Now it's time for a good-old Bar-B-Que. PYRORING!
FFVIIFREAK: Oh, sh-
(Flames roar around, effectively cooking the birds)
-FFVIIFREAK is toasted!-
Ark: All right! Time to eat!
FFVIIFREAK: WTF man! You could have killed me!
Ark: Nah, I'm too good for that. Besides, I just summoned you. If you had died, you would have gone back home. I think. Well, if I, the one you were supposed to help, killed you, maybe you would have…
FFVIIFREAK: #$$(@#*%#
(He rushes forward and gives Ark a punch on the jaw. Ark loses his balance and topples over the cliff)
FFVIIFREAK: Uh-oh.
(He climbs down. Ark's crumpled body lay there, unmoving)
FFVIIFREAK: Shit. Who's gonna save the world now? Damn, he sure don''t look lively.
(Nudges Ark with toe, a piece of paper falls down. FFVIIFREAK picks it up)
FFVIIFREAK: "Haha the last laugh is on you"?
(Suddenly, Ark's spear leaps into FFVIIFREAK's hand. His black hair turns gold and pointy. He is suddenly wearing blood-red pants and a green vest. A box clings to his belt)
FFVIIFREAK: This can't be good. I REALLY hope that what happened wasn't what I think happened.
(Ark's body fades away. The box at FFVIIFREAK's waist opens and a pink bat pops out)
Yomi: Come on, Ark! What the hell are you doing looking all confused and dumbfounded? Well, more that usual anyway.
FFVIIFREAK/Ark: Damn, it's "The Santa ClausE" all over again. What am I supposed to do now?
(He hefts the spear)
FFVIIFREAK/Ark: Well, I guess I have to save the world. Damn! And I was gonna watch "MST3K" reruns tonight too! God! What a time to kill a hero and have to take his damn place. Besides, I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to do his moves, either. This is JUUSSST peachy.
Yomi: What the f*** are you talking about Ark? God, you would think you were new to this or something…
FFVIIFREAK/Ark: …Shut up.
(He wanders off, grabs a seagull, and flies to the animal sanctuary)
To be continued…
Will FFVIIFREAK ever get home in time to watch relics from the past? Will he somehow save the world? Find answers to these and other questions you don't care about in the next installment of…
So, what'd you think? Any suggestions? This is my first fanfic of any kind, after all, and I am eager to get better. If you have any comments or ideas, e-mail me at FFVIIFREAK@aol.com