Roots


Another pointless story by your favorite (and only) eater of dead rats, Galinstar.

*Note* This text is best viewed on a computer
*Other Note* I'm going for the "chat room" style or whatever you'd like to call it again.
*And another...* Has anyone seen my dirty underwear? Just asking...


Narrator: The story begins in the isolated redneck village of Crysta... Elle is sleeping quietly in her room...
Elle: Zzzzz...
Ark: Hey, Elle...
Elle: Zzzzz...
Ark: Elle, wake up...
Elle: ZZZZZ...
Ark: ELLE! WAKE UP GODDAMMIT!!!
*Elle wakes up*
Elle: Enough already! I heard you the first time you maniac!
Ark: Then why didn't you say anything?
Elle: 'Cause I was comfy dumbass!
*Ark's eyes waters and his lips quiver*
Ark: Y... you're being mean to me again!
Elle: Oooh, don't cry... I'm sorry. Here, sit on my lap.
Ark: Okey...
*Ark sucks on his thumb*
Ark: I want my mommy...
Elle: Ark... did you ever stopped to wonder who your parents were?
Ark: Nah. I just figured we all came from cabbages.
Elle: Cabbages???
Ark: Yeah, or maybe it was garbage... I dunno...
Elle: You're one twisted dude Ark...
Ark: I think we could go ask the Elder...
Elle: Yes, let's do that...
*They both head out towards the Elder's*

****

Guy: Hey Elle, Ark woke you up again? Woohoo! Captain Crunch for breakfast!
*Ark and Elle both ignore him and proceed right to the Elder*
Elder: Oh yes... that's it... This is gooood... OOOOOOOOH!!!
*Ark knocks on the door*
Ark: Can we come in?
Elder: Huh? Wha?
*Ark and Elle burst in*
Ark: OH MY GOD!!!
Elle: ACK!
Elder: DON'T LOOK!!!
Ark: YOU'RE DISGUSTING ELDER! A MAN YOUR AGE!
Elle: YOU'RE A SICK OLD MAN! BEEFARONI FOR BREAKFAST! UGGGH!
Elder: Please, don't tell the others... you know, I have a reputation...
Ark: Uh, yeeeeees...
Elle: Um, nevermind anyways... Ark and I were wondering if you could tell us where we come from.
Elder: Easy: You're all inbred.
Ark: Oh come on, don't give us any of that crap. We want the truth dammit!
Elle: Yeah!
Elder: Well, it seems like I won't be able to get out of this one by sending Ark to resurrect the world... Okay, you better sit down, this is going to be a long one...
Ark: Is this going to be a flashback? Then let me get my medicine. Flashbacks make me sick.
*Elle sighs*
Ark: Okay, I'm ready!
Elder: It all started a looong time ago...
*Everything swirls*
Ark: BLAAAAARGH!
Elle: EWW!!!
*Scene fades out and fades back in on a black and white version of Crysta*
Elder: It was back when the Weavers were known as the Knitters...
*A teenager is running around the village, jumping everywhere. He picks up a potatoe and chucks it at a fisherman*
Potatoe: Hey!
Fisherman: OW! Why you lousy son of a mother!
Teenager: Hehe! Wee!
*The teenager chases some pigs into the Knitter's house*
Teenager: Uh-oh. Um... Gotta go!
*He runs off towards the Elder's*
Elder (The one whose narrating the flashback): A young man, who was much like you Ark, I mean, he was psychopathic, hyperactive and retarded.
Ark: Thanks!
Elder: That boy's name was Bob...
*Another morning begins in Crysta; Bob is asleep and a girl walks in his room. She kicks Bob in the balls*
Bob: OH MY F***ING GOD!!! THE HUUUUUUURTS GODDAMMIIIIIIIIT!!!! What the hell is your freaking problem Kathy?
Kathy: Let's f**k!
Bob: With my balls mashed up like this? I don't think so!
Kathy: Shut up and do me!
*Scene blacks out*
Elder: And that's how you were created.
Ark: ...
Elle: ...
Ark: That means... that... Elle is my sister?!?!
Elle: OH MY GOD!!! SICK!! EWW!! YUCK!!
Elder: What else were you expecting! You're all inbred!
Ark: And who were our parent's parents?
Elder: Some other inbred twits like you.
Elle: I refuse to believe such crap!
Elder: You're right, it's all hogwash! I made it all up to keep you busy!
Ark: THEN TELL US WHERE WE FREAKING CAME FROM!
Elder: I dunno!!! I self-impregnated myself and made all of you! Happy?
Elle: Oh man... forget it...
Ark: I have some chicken to chase! See ya all later!
Elle: And here he goes again...
Elder: Now OUT with you enormous fool! MY beefaroni's getting cold!
Elle: WHAT DO YOU MEAN ENORMOUS? YOU THINK I'M FAT? IS THAT IT?
Elder: Uh... sorry?
Elle: YOU BETTER BE YOU GODDAMN 1000 YEAR OLD SICKO!!!

Narrator: And Elle kicked the living crap out of the Elder's butt. The end.



*Last Note* Hope this fanfic disturbed your little minds.

-Galinstar