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(Ark and Maiek are in Freedom)
Maiek: Right, after defeating Stoma and spending 2 hours on a treadmill, I've finally got time to rest.
(Maiek throws himself onto a bed)
Ark: No you haven't. We're off out to eat.
Maiek: Ohh, don't mention food. After that feast, I don't think I could eat anything else without remembering that notion I got…
Ark: (shows him an M. Bulb) Hey Maiek…
Maiek: Ooooh, an M. Bulb. Hey Ark, look at that, errr, fish, over there!
Ark: Give me some credit, I'm not that stupid.
Maiek: Ok, a re-think is in order here… Aha! Ark, Look at that girl over there!
Ark: Girl? Where, where?!?
(Ark looks round and sees nothing. He turns back round and sees that the M. Bulb is gone)
Ark: Waah! Maiek you, you…
Maiek: Bleah to you?
Ark: Noooooo. Anyway, where's my M. Bulb.
Maiek: I don't know! Why are you asking me? WHAT'S WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS!?!
Ark: Err, so what are all those bits of variously coloured leafy substance doing on you poncho?
Maiek: Err, errrrr…. Look at that girl over there!
Ark: Huh? Where? Is it the same one?
Maiek: Nyaaah! Loser!!!
Ark: Whaa.. you… me… girl… feathers… Gah.
Scene 2
(Ark is in the streets of Freedom)
Ark: Where could that loser have gone to…
(Ark looks around. He sees Maiek in the shadows)
Maiek: (whispers to himself) The shadows will hide me. No-one can see in the shadow. What's for tea mother? Maggots on toast?!? Not for me!!
Ark: Err… Maiek…?
Maiek: Waaaah… what? Ahh! It's not my gun!
Ark: Who… what gun?
Maiek: What gun? (discreetly throws something behind him)
Ark: Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrright. Anyway, lets go to Stoma's for some fine cuisine.
Maiek: Mmmmm… cuisine…. gaaaaaaahhhhhh.
Scene 3
(Ark and Maiek are outside Stoma's)
Ark: And if we reach for the doorknob, we should be greeted by the smell of freshly cooked food.
(Ark turns the doorknob, but the door doesn't open)
Ark: Hey, it won't budge!
Person: Hey you two! This place is closin' down cosa you!
Maiek: Well, what did we do?
Person: Well firstly you killed Stoma.
Ark: ?
Person: don't you clowns remember?
Ark: I don't have any recollections, do you?
Maiek: Well, if my fish -like memory serves me correctly… no.
Person: Ay ay ay. If you two are gonna loiter around here, get lost!
Maiek: Oooooooh!! Why don't we go to that burger shop in Nirlake.
Ark: Yummy, burgers!
Scene 4
(Ark and Maiek are in Mic's burger shop)
Ark: Mmmmm! These burgers are goooood!
Maiek: They sure are, dude!
(The door opens, and Cojiro walks in)
Maiek: I wonder if they do chicken burgers?
(Cojiro walks out)
Ark: I doubt it. There are laws against chicken burgerising.
Maiek: Dag nabbet! Damn chickenising burgerising… (mumbles to himself)
Ark: Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrright. Righty righty right RIGHTO AHA! HAHAHAHAAAA!!!
Maiek: You scare me. Lots.
(Keinz walks into the burger bar and walks over to Ark)
Ark: Hey… you…
Keinz: Hi. I'm Keinz.
Maiek: YOU'RE NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO REMEMBER!!! LA LA LALA LAAALAAAA!!!!!
Keinz: (cough) I am an economist and I forecast the growth of towns. With the pla…
Ark: Err, Keinz. We already know this.
Keinz: With the placid populance here, it is difficult to motivate progress. For the people and the town to change a catalyst is essential.
Ark: And I hope that isn't the biological sort of catalyst (nudges Maiek)
Keinz: When the doors to free economy are opened, the town can grow. This towns economic growth index is…
Maiek: LISTEN DUMMY!!! WE ALREADY KNOW THIS SHHHhhtuff. Yes, shtuff is what I was going to say… hehehe…(turns around)
Keinz: 0 percent!
Ark: I've told you! We already… waah!?!
Keinz: Yes, err… 0 percent… (red dot appears on his head) GAH…! I have to go now. (walks out of the bar)
Ark: Now THAT was strange, wasn't it Maiek… Maiek?
(Maiek has collapsed on the floor)
Ark: Oh for the love of crumbcake…
Scene 5
(Keinz is in an Underground LairTM)
Keinz: I have announced my fake growth forecast of Nirlake, sir.
Voice: Good. That completes the First StageTM of my Plan© (logo for 'Plan' appears on screen).
Keinz: Err, sir, what is your plan.
Voice Quiet you! I haven't thought of how to word it yet! Now leave, you dumb hatted lublugger!
Keinz: No, you, you… gruff speaking work slacker!
Voice: Ooh, good comeback.
Scene 6
(Ark and Maiek are in Liotto)
Maiek: I like it here. I have fond memories of the second of the 3 Girls cemented right in this town.
Ark: What was her name?
Maiek: Amy Coley. Gee, she really was HOT. Gorgeous legs that you could juuust… gaaaaaaaahhhh (goes into a daydream)… Ohhh, whoops! I almost told you about my…
Ark: Ooooooooooookay then.
(They walk past Cream-a-Cat)
Maiek: I'd like to keep away from here though.
Ark: Why's that?
Maiek: I cheated.
Ark: Maiek… I don't understand…
Maiek: I cheated cheated cheated cheated cheated cheated CHEATED!
Ark: M-m-Maiek, what are you try to say?
Maiek: I CHEATED!!!
Ark: Oh dear lord!
Maiek: Hey, why am I telling you? You're a thief. I'm going to own up.
(One black eye and a magirock down, Maiek returns)
Ark: Looks like he didn't take it too well
Maiek: Whatever gave you that impression!?!
Ark: Hey, shouldn't we be getting into trouble at the moment?
Maiek: Hmm yes, it is quiet. A bit, TOO quiet, for my liking.
Ark: Yes, no noise suggests, no trouble.
Maiek: We should, investigate this matter further. To the Troublemobile!
Ark: Your Chevy?
Maiek: Precisely.
Scene 7
(In the Underground LairTM)
Keinz: Have you mulled over your plan yet, sir…
Voice: No I haven't made into a strange alcoholic drink… fool.
Keinz: Righty-ho then. So, err, can you word it.
Voice: Yes, I think I can. Herewego. I plan to demoralise all of Lightside's major towns and cities, by making them believe that they are not growing. They will then come to me for extortionate amounts of money, and I will charge them at phenomenally high interest rates. Thus, I will be able to compete in the Richest Man in the WorldTM competition.
Keinz: (wakes up) …Huh, waaah. I'm listening. But what do you need me for?
Voice: Gah, YOU WEREN'T LISTENING, WERE YOU!!!! I need you to tell the cities that they aren't growing, you dumb schmuck!
Keinz: But I've done that. Can I go now?
Voice: Foolish man. Now that you have pointed this out, I will continue with my collection of various humans! (pushes a button) MWAAHAAHAAHAAHAAAAA!
(silence. He pushes the button again. More silence)
Voice: Glucking Windows 98.
Scene 8
(Ark and Maiek are walking around aimlessly)
Maiek: Oooh, I need a leak. (jumps into a bush) I'll be back in a minute. (runs off)
Ark: Hmm, hmm hmm, hmm. Doo dee doo. Rape meeeeee. Rape meeee, my friend.
(Ark hears a rustling and some grunting in the bushes. He peers through the bushes and sees Maiek rubbing his leg)
Ark: MAIEK!!! I never knew you…
(Maiek turns round. He has his hands behind his back and a wet patch round his groin)
Maiek: It's not what you think!!!
Ark: Well… what's that!?!
Maiek: (looks at his trousers) err… an animal went by and splashed me.
Ark: So why were you rubbing yourself!?!
Maiek: Waah! I was rubbing an M. Bulb on my leg! Honest! (shows Ark the M. Bulb)
Ark: So why were you hiding!?!
Maiek: I didn't want you to know. I'm trying to go cold turkey but I can't! I love these thinks too much! It's like… Pamela Anderson and breast implants! She can't get enough of them!
Ark: Get out of there.
(Maiek walks slowly out of the bushes)
Maiek: They taste sooo good…
Ark: Ssssh, it's alright…
Maiek: DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE I'M A LITTLE KID!!! I HAVEN'T JUST STUBBED MY TOE!!!
Ark: Woah, dude! No need to explode on me!
Maiek: Sorry. Force of habit.
(They walk around aimlessly for a while. They soon hear a P.A. system)
P.A: You are nearing the entrance to a secret Underground LairTM. 5 paces forward and one pace left will put you in front of the doorway in the floor, and use the secret knock.
Maiek: Dang, we don't know the secret knock. We…
P.A: If you have forgotten the knock. Please wait while we assist you.
Ark: Oh. Sounds simple enough.
(They wait around for a while. Silence. Quietness. Peacefulness. A bird calls. Extra silence Maiek received free with fries)
Maiek: To heck with this. (he kicks the floor)
P.A: You have used the secret knock. Please enter at will. Have a nice day. Underground LairTM is a trademark of Will the Pilot Corp. All rights reserved.
Ark: Cra…
Maiek:…zy.
Ark: Yes thank you, I am capable of finishing my own…
Maiek: …sentences?
Ark: Very funny. (whispers)cocky little upstart…
(they walk into the Underground Lair)
Scene 9
(Inside the Underground LairTM once more)
Voice: Mwahahaaaa! I'm a genius! My PlanTM, it's strange and marvellous, as well as mysterious.
Keinz: How is it mysterious? You've already told me.
Voice: Enough!
'Man' cast 'silence' level 26!
Keinz was silenced!
Keinz: !
Voice: Foolish man!
Keinz: £$*@^&!
(Ark and Maiek walk in)
Maiek: … and then she knelt down in front of me, and I said 'Man, I need a…' Hey Ark! Look over there! It's some sort of Mysterious Person!
Voice: Hey! Who let you in?!?
Maiek: I used the secret knock! Or should I say, 'stomp'!
Voice: Don't say that! That's a secret! If you tell, my secret won't be a secret! And then everyone will know my secret, and then it would be a secret not for it to be a secret! And I always keep my secrets!!!
Keinz: ???
Ark: Ooooooooooo…
Maiek: …kay then.
Ark: Listen you. I've had it with your finishing-off-my-sentence-ing! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!!!
Maiek: Chill dude! How about I… (Maiek's eyes widen, his jaw drops, and he points into empty space)
Ark: Err, Maiek? What are you… my God!!! (Ark does the same)
John: Hey, what are you guys… oh Lordy… (John copies Ark and Maiek)
Ark: Waah! What are you doing here?!?
John: Oh, sorry. (runs off)
(Ark and Maiek point and stare into empty space for a while. Eventually, the man turns round)
Maiek: Hey Ark! Look, it's… that guy with the fake name (resumes point and stare)
Voice: (turns back round) Yes, it is I, Penguin K (fake name), and what are you looking at? (turns round again)
Maiek: Yes! My plan too fool him into thinking there is something there worked! Now for some action!!!
Maiek cast 'muchos gracias' level 43!
Penguin K was thanked unnecessarily!
Penguin K: Arugh!!! You shall pay for your…
Maiek: …insolence?
Penguin K cast 'beak' level 16!
Maiek cast 'dispel' level 21!
Penguin K cast 'fishing' level 32!
Fishing hit Keinz!
Keinz: Ahh, at last I am free of this dumb 'silence' spell!
Ark: Hey, Cojiro made that spell! Why is it being used here?!?
Maiek:(shrugs) I dunno.
Maiek cast 'hair' level 50!
Nothing happened
Keinz smiled insincerely!
Penguin K cast 'ice-cube' level 9!
Ark cast 'reflect' level 19!
Ark and Maiek were shielded!
Maiek cast 'hair' level 95!
Nothing happened
Maiek: What's the deal with my 'hair' spells. They're not working!
Penguin K: Little do you notice that I'm bald, being a penguin. I have no hair. Which brings me onto my next spell.
Penguin K cast 'baldies' level 42!
Maiek: No! Not the hair! My hair is who I am!!!
(Terranigma death music plays) Maiek's hair faded away!
Maiek: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! My hair. (sobs a little) Right, you little punk, prepare for THIS!
Maiek cast 'combo' level 294! Upper R uppercut (right arm level up), R middle kick, R low front kick (right leg level up), Upper R hook!
Penguin K: AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!! My emperor, I've FAILED you!!! (dies)
You learned 'baldies', 'ice-cube'
Keinz: (wakes up) huh, whaaa… did I miss anything?
Ark: Gah… noooo. Unless you count Maiek losing his hair as a highlight of the fight.
Maiek: Why the hair!?! If anything WHY THE HAIR!!??!! THERE IS NO GOD!!!
Ark: Maiek? Why don't you use your 'hair' spell to grow it back.
Maiek: It's worth a shot.
Maiek cast 'hair' level 978!
Maiek's hair grew back!
Maiek: YIPPEEE!!! YOU DID IT!
Ark: Err, Maiek, YOU did it.
Maiek: My mistake!
Scene 10
(Ark and Maiek are in Liotto)
Maiek: What I don't get is that my hair grew back. I mean… I was bald, but so was Penguin K. I'm confused…
Ark: I think it was because you have fond memories of your hair. Penguin K has never had any.
Maiek: Hmm, true. But I'm unhappy that I didn't get to use my egg joke on anyone.
Ark: Oh well. It probably isn't very funny anyway, coming from you. Hey, what IS with those eggs?
Maiek: What eggs? (throws a raw egg on the ground)
Ark: (cringes) 'What eggs?' Those eggs dummy!
Maiek: Oh THESE eggs. Well, I thought you might like to wear one.
(Maiek splats an egg on Ark's head. It's hard boiled)
Ark: AAAHHH!!! Oh, very funny wiseguy.
Maiek: Yup, good isn't it.
(Ark sees Cojiro walking by)
Ark: Oh, let me do Cojiro! Please!!!
Maiek: Ok, just remember; the egg in your left hand is boiled. The one in your right hand isn't. Got that?
Ark: Sure have. (runs over to Cojiro) Hey Cojiro, pal!
Cojiro: Huh, wha… waaah… Oh, hi Ark. Hey, what's with those eggs?
Ark: What eggs?
Cojiro: Err, the ones in your hand, stupid. (Ark throws an egg by Cojiro) Hey watch it!
Ark: Oh, these eggs? Well, (looks round at Maiek) I thought you'd like to wear one.
(Ark splats an egg on Cojiro's head. It's soft boiled)
Maiek:(bursts out laughing) HAHAHAHAHAAAAA! You loser Ark!
Cojiro:(stares at Ark) You… idiot!
Ark: … I'm dead now, aren't I?
Cojiro: You sure are! (Ark runs off and Cojiro chases)
Maiek: Ohhhhhhh, mercy!
Scene 11
(Ark and Maiek are at the Inn in Freedom)
Ark: I can't believe you tricked me, Maiek. I always thought you were the stupid one.
Maiek: Well, appearances can be deceptive.
Ark: But you look clever.
Maiek: Yep, appearances, deceptive.
Ark: ? Anyway. That was a strangely strange fight with Penguin man, wasn't it.
Maiek: What is his real name, anyway?
Ark: I don't know (Ark and Maiek look around suspiciously)
Maiek: What's good is, is that my hair is looking better that ever. (taps hair) I think if I ever need my hair cutting I'll bald myself, and grow it back again.
Ark: (whispers) vain schmuck. Anyway, we saved all of Lightside's major towns, how do you feel about that Maiek?
Maiek: Well, we had a bit of engine trouble at the start, the tyres weren't gripping properly and I had trouble with 4th gear, but towards about lap 23 everything sorted itself out. I'm pleased with the result we got. (walks off)
Ark: ?!? Anyway, what sort of dumb mishaps will we get up to next? Only Maiek's rather suspicious looking hair can tell us.
Ark and Maiek will return in Enscription 3: 'Ark and Maiekpeace'