By: Magus_akaJanus

Da·is (dã' is, di' --, dãs), n. a raised platform, as at the front of a room, for a lectern, throne, seats of honor, etc.


Narrator-Man, this job sucks
Dais- I know, but just shut up and deal with it!
Narrator-You shut up! I can take you, pansy!
Dais-Hahaha! You can't touch me, 'cause you don't exist!
Narrator-...
Dais-Can we start now?
Fine, but just remember, since I don't exist, you can't do a damn thing to hurt me! Mwuhahahaha!
Dais-Pyro Ring!
(Narrator is toasted!)
Dais-*ahem* Okay, let's get this started...
Dairrator-We join our here, Ark, as he...well, sleeps.

Chapta 1: RessErection

Elle-Wake up, dammit!
Ark-Gah? Bl...tuh...jee...
Elle-Wake up and you can see my hooters!
(Ark immediately jumps up)
Ark-Who? What? When? Where? How?
Elle-Sicko...Anyway...what are you staring at?
Ark-Huh? (Shakes his head) Oh, well that snow globe over there has two birds in it...
Elle- I didn't put 'em there, if that's what you're thinkin'.
Ark-Okay...whatever.
(Elle Leaves)
Ark-Hey, I wonder what that old git's up to? (Goes into the next room)
Guy-Elle wake ya up again? Woohoo! The hot couple!
Ark-What are you talking about? She wakes me up every day!
Guy-Elle wake ya up again? Woohoo! The hot couple!
Ark-Gah?
Guy-Elle wake ya up--
(Ark picks up a pot and crushes the guys skull)
Ark-Idiot...
----------------
Woman-Ark, hand me that pot, will ya?
Ark-Okay, but for some reason, I can't hand it to you. I'll just throw it.
Woman-Okay
(Ark lobs the pot)
Woman-Ark! Now why'd you do that? No dinner for you!
Ark-*blink*
------------------
Elder-Ark, come here...
Ark-Where?
Elder-Dammit, don't give me any crap! Just come here!
Ark-Hey, I was climbing a tree, and I saw a big hole over there (points outside)
Elder-Oh yeah, that hole is...holy...
Ark-Uh huh...(backs out of the room quietly)
Guy-Hey Ark, this broom closet is locked. Help us open it!
Ark-Have you tried chucking pots at it?
Guy 2-Yup
Ark-Hmmm...(reaches into his pocket and produces a key) Here, try this.
Guy 2-Okay (Grabs the key and starts stabbing the door with it. Soon the blue door becomes a pile of splinters)
Ark-Good work
Guy 2-My hand hurts...I'm gonna go lay down...
Guy 3-Me too
Guy-Meesa gotsa tummy-ache. Buh-bye!
Ark-Okeeday
(They all leave, except for Ark)
Ark-(Peers inside the door) Hey! Where's the brooms?
(Goes down the looooooooooong flight of stairs)
Ark-Tumteetata...doodeladooh...duhnanananananana...BATMAN! I mean--A BOX!!
(Ark runs at the box)
Ark-Presents! Yaa-(Is thrown back violently) Oomph! DAMMIT!
Box-Ark...calm your spirit, bring peace into your heart, and touch the box...Ark...
Ark-AAAAAARGHH! PRESENTS!!!! (Ark flies through the air and tackles the box)
Box-Dammit! Did you not hear what I just said?! Oh well...
(The box disappears and is replaced by Perel)
Perel-Yo, what up?
Ark-Perel? But...wait a sec...(pulls out the script and scans through it) Hey! Sez right here! "Box disappears and is replaced by YOMI!"
Perel-...
Ark-GO!!!
Perel-Eeep! *poof*
Yomi-(With Brak's voice) Hiya, Ark!
Ark-*snicker* You live in a box!
Yomi-Yeah, but it's nice...
Ark-True...sorry bout that whole presents thing...
Yomi-It's okay, a simple misunderstanding, that's all. Kay, I'm gonna disappear till Chapter De one after One.
Ark-Er...
Yomi-Actually, I gotta go make baked potatoes.
Ark-Gah?
*poof*
Elle-Hey Ark, what's up with this broom closet?
Ark-Eh?
Elle-Woah, is there a draft in here? I'm getting col--(freezes)
Ark-Elle? Elllllleeeee! ELLLLLLEEEEEE!
(Hears voices upstairs)
Ooh! (Runs upstairs)
Elder-Dammit! Ark, what's the matter with you? Dammit, now I'm gonna hafta climb those towers!
Ark-Towers?! LEMMME LEMME!!!
Elder-Fine! I don't feel like dealing with that Guardian-bitch anyway...
Ark-Gack?
Elder-Don't remind me...that shit's hard to get off when it dries...grumble grumble...
Ark-Ack?
Elder-Dammit!! Are you still here? GO!!!
Ark-Eeep! (Runs outside, and sees the gate)
Ark-So! This must be what gramps was callin a tower! (Starts climbing the gate)
Elder-(slams the door open) THAT'S NOT A TOWER, YOU GOD DAMN IDIOT!(stomps away)
(Ark continues climbing up the gate. Finally, he gets to the top)
Ark-(Beats his chest) AAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAA!!! (Jumps off and into the river) ARGH! IT'S COLD!
Elder-(from the window) What the hell is the matter with you? Get a move on, dammit!
Ark-Eeep (quickly dives underwater)
Elder-I see you , bastard! GO!
(Ark hops out and runs out the gate)
---------------
Dairrator-About five hours and towers and continents later...
Ark-*huff puff* Wow...*wheeze pant*
Elder-It's about damn time! Now, say bye to that bitch of yours and meet me by that huge-ass hole *snicker* outside!
Ark-Okeedokee! (Goes to Weavers)
Ark-Hey Elle!
Elle-DON'T COME IN!
(Ark opens the door anyway)
Weavers-Eeep!
(They are all dancing around an effigy of Dark Gaia)
Ark-Cool...anyway, I've gotta go jump in a hole...peace.
Elle-See ya!
----------------
Dairrator-At the hole
Elder-Dammit, where were you?
Ark-Uh...I had unfinished business.
Elder-Oh, okay. Go resurrect the world. (Pushes Ark down the hole)
Ark-Damn you!!!!