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I realized that I was taking too long to finish my other fanfic
and decided that I should try to make something shorter and much
funnier in the meantime. Especially since I am sick while writing
this, which gives me the ability to infect anyone I cough on.
Whee!
***BEGIN FANFIC***
[Setting: NeoSpawn's room. Most of it is monitors, TVs, computers,
stereo equipment, and plasma rail guns. NeoSpawn is working on...something...]
NS: [to himself] Ho-hum, this is getting boring. I'm getting
hungry again, too.
[NeoSpawn welds something and cuts off his equipment.]
NS: I finally finished the stupid son of a bitch. Wow. Let's
test it!
[He jumps into the chamber-like device and punches a few buttons.
The next thing he sees is a dinosaur stomping around outside.]
NS: HOLY SH*T!
[He quickly punches some keys and is back in his room.]
NS: It worked! HAAAAAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!
[He jumps for joy, hitting his head on the metal ceiling of the
container.]
NS: Hey, I'm writing this, so why should I get hurt?!
[He magically feels no pain from the skull-bashing.]
NS: That's more like it. I summon thee, Terranigma Freak!
[Terranigma Freak pops up in front of the time capsule, sitting
on the floor. He has two fries hanging out of his mouth and is
clapping and making weird walrus noises.]
NS: Um...what the hell?
TF: Uh... [eats fries quickly] nothing!
NS: This is NOT going to be a good day. I summon thee, Cherubae!
[Cherubae materializes and points a katana at Terranigma Freak.]
Cherubae: You'll never take me alive, Shredder!
NS: Why do I have to write about these weird people?
TF: Well, you don't have to write about us. You could
stop if you felt like it, but you don't seem to want to, because
you're still typing.
NS: SHUT UP!!!
Cyrus: *nt*
NS: Where'd you come from?
Cyrus: I don't know. *nt*
NS: WHAT THE HELL DOES "*nt*" MEAN?!
Cyrus: I'll tell ya later. *nt*
Cherubae: Beef.
NS: Huh?
TF: Chicken!
NS: I summon th--
The Great ElBobo: Wazzzzzzzaaaaaaahhhh!!!
NS: HEY! At least let me finish summoning you!
TGEB: I got impatient.
NS: Okay, I'm not summoning anyone else. This is nuts.
Cyrus: You just now figured that out? *nt*
Cabus: Where's Cap'n Crunch?!
NS: I wonder what I did to deserve this...
TGEB: Want me to think of something?
Cherubae: I'll make a list for ya!
NS: Oh shut up! Someone should clobber you with golden underpants!
TF: What are we all doing here?
[Everyone stares at NeoSpawn.]
NS: Well, um...you see...I wanted to show you guys my new invention
thingy. It's called a "time machine!"
Cherubae: Hey, I already have one of those though! It's called
AH SHIT, remember?
NS: Ah, shit. I wish you wouldn't bring things like that up.
[NeoSpawn presses a red button that came up out of nowhere, and
off in the distance, the AH SHIT is blown all to shit.]
NS: Ah shit, now you don't have one.
Cherubae: I DON'T CARE, JUST STOP SAYING "AH SHIT!"
NS: Whatever.
TF: Um, Neo?
NS: What?
TF: How are we all going to fit into that one machine?
TGEB: Yeah, that's a good point!
Cyrus: *nt*
NS: Oh blarp. I forgot.
Cabus: What's a blarp?
NS: I made that word up. Hmm...Aha! FELUNIOSAMELIO DELECTIATUMONA!
[A whole lot more time machines appear.]
Cabus: Where'd you learn those weird words?
NS: They were on a box of cereal.
Cherubae: Fligronk!
TF: Okay, you guys need to STAY OUT OF MY HAPPY PILLS!!!
[TGEB whups out an accordion and starts to polka loudly.]
NS: I'm glad I read cereal boxes. SNATHOMULEN!!!
[Everyone is flung into their own time machines.]
NS: That's better. [Entering time machine] Let's go forward
in time...can't afford to have the mistakes in 'Jurassic Ark'
happen again!
[Ark runs in from stage left (how he does that in MY ROOM, I don't
know...)]
Ark: WAIT FOR ME!!!
NS: CHEESE BLOB!!!
[Ark is enclosed in a time machine too.]
Ark: Thanks!
NS: No problem.
[NeoSpawn presses some buttons and they are shot one hundred years
into the future.]
NS: Whew. What fun.
[Setting: Everything looks like Crysta.]
NS: We're here!
Cyrus: 'Bout damn time! What took so long? *nt*
Cherubae: Something looks a little familiar here...
Some Scottish Guy Who Only Has One Line: It's Crysta, ye stupid
idiot!
TF: Huh?
Cabus: Boy, I'm tired.
TGEB: Oh really? What brand?
Everyone else: LAME JOKE! BOOOOOOO!!!
[Bloody Mary appears.]
BM: Hahaha!! I have more colored rocks to throw at you!
Ark: Here, have another one, bitch!
[Ark pulls the pin from a grenade and throws it at Bloody Mary.
She quickly pulls a catcher's mitt out of her ass (I wondered
where that disappeared to!) and catches it.]
BM: Oh, this is heavy, and it's got all these coo-
BOOM!
[Bloody Mary dies and goes (back) to hell.]
Ark: Hehe, I'm smart. [Poses.]
NS: Okay, we're here. What should we do now?
Everyone: Aasfw;amio2 q3rjmwejfio [rdsegjvderonmg ;oawojkvgnweip
oawka'fsd'gpkbvo dfjboidanhioas nifospfewkgr ejktioeryeam;lvm
kldfmvkfldsvk fldsvdas kjsadabwef sdfvodsihqw-
NS: SHUT UP!!!! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!
[Everyone shuts up.]
NS: ONE person at a time!
Everyone: Gnhiorwefovmfod dsiowanfoiewognio sanhivochiowae-
NS: AAAAAAHHHH!!!! AAAAHHHHH!!! SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!
[An Indian shaman appears out of nowhere. He is wearing shaman
stuff, and has a giant torch and a shirt that says his name...]
Shaves-Balls-With-Torch: Ooh, you need shave! I got tool for
the job!
Everyone (except Cherubae ^_^): AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
Ark: Oh, I remember this. [Throws spear, killing SBWT.] There.
Everyone (except Cherubae): Whew!
Cherubae: Rats, that would've been neat to watch.
Everyone: ????!!!!!!!
[Cherubae sinks back into a NeoSpawn™
brand Moron Sulking Corner]
NS: Well, at least our equipment is safe. Nice move, Ark.
Ark: Thanks!
NS: Of course, I wrote the spearing into my fanfic in the first
place.
Ark: And the ball-roasting guy that made it a problem in the
first place.
NS: True.
Cyrus: © *nt*
TGEB: Huh?
TF: I don't get it.
Cherubae: Too bad Dais isn't here to see this.
NS: PLOMP!!!
[Dais materializes, with a time machine nearby.]
Dais: WHOA! What was that?!
Elle: Ark!
Ark: Elle!
Everyone else: What the hell?!
[Ark and Elle look at them like they're complete idiots.]
Elle: Ark, you're back already? I missed you so much!
[She runs up to Ark and gives him a great big hug.]
Ark: Um...Elle, there's a minor problem...
Elle: What's the matter, Ark?
Ark: Well, I'm kind of from a different time and I'm not really
supposed to be here. Your Ark will be back after a while, though,
so don't worry.
Elle: Oh! Okay! [Walks off singing happily.]
TF: Uh, right. What the hell is wrong with her?
Ark: She's not always the sharpest pencil in the pack.
Dais: She's a pencil?
NS: Huh?
Cherubae: Pods!
Cyrus: Where?! *nt*
Cabus: There! [Points in two different directions.]
Cyrus: Hey! That's not funny!
NS: Yes it was.
Ark: Come on, let's get out of here! The Elder is coming, and
he might try to hit us on the head and call us "enormous
fools!"
Dais: At least he's honest.
[A swarm of locusts flies by, and they drop a piece of Magirock
beside Terranigma Freak.]
TF: Oh COOL!!! Magirock!!! [He picks it up and shoves it in
his pocket.]
NS: Let's go home, guys.
TGEB: I agree. Or something.
Cherubae: Yeah, you need to stop writing about us anyway, especially
since you don't know us.
TF: Yeah! Why don't you come to one of our chat rooms sometime?!
NS: I just might do that...SH*T! It's the Elder! RUN!!!
[Everyone gets in their time machines.]
Elder: Come back here, you enormous fools!
NS: Hell no! [Presses some buttons.]
NS: So long, sucker!
[Everyone re-appears in NeoSpawn's room.]
NS: We're back. You can stop reeling with excitement now, Dais!
Dais: [reeling in a fishing pole] But I think I've got a big
one!
[Dais turns and sees his line hooked into her ass, and screams.]
NS: Okay. Enough of this.
[NeoSpawn takes out a big sword and rapidly kills everyone.]
NS: Later, guys! Have fun!
[Everyone returns to wherever they last saved their game, but
strangely enough they remembered everything.]
Yomi: [whining] Why wasn't I given a part? I only wanted to
help!
***END FANFIC***
I love it! See ya later!