Okay, Ark's leaving Crysta right now, and he's going to run into some boredom. Nothing interesting happens in the towers, so I basically skipped them, with a few fills where needed. Oh yeah, and there should be more freaky, messed-up stuff in this one so it might actually be funny this time; in particular, look out for more NeoSpawn™ brand stuff and more absolute stupidity, especially from the plants and animals and all. AND...Always be on the lookout for Part 3!

Also, with school (yuk) starting back up, I can tell just by the weight of these books that I'm gonna be busy. I'll do what I can on the fanfic when I'm not doing schoolwork or learning Linux. I have heard that my fanfics "curse too much." Well, it's not supposed to be a serious story! Think of them as some sort of comedy act! And, just for you weak-stomached people, the beginning is a bit light on such language, so I hope you're happy. Once again, E-mail me and tell me what you think of the fanfic! I need some more feedback than this ONE letter I got!!!!! Enough of my whining; on with the show...

***START AGAIN HERE***

Ark left Crysta, saw some cool stuff, resurrected five continents, beat up annoying monsters, etc. until everyone was defrosted. After thrashing the guys in the fourth tower of five, he took some crystal thread back to Crysta (sounds like a copyright violation to me...) and Elle made him a fashionable cape out of it, and they did the wild thing a few times to celebrate Elle's thawing out. Ark beats The Guardian, returns to Crysta, gets a warm welcome, does stuff to Elle that you can't handle reading about, and gets thrown through a giant hole in the ground that echoes (in the Elder's voice), "You enormous fool!" And the rest is history.

(Okay, so maybe it isn't. Gotcha! Read on!)

*NeoSpawn runs up ZSNES v0.991 to finish up Part 2...*

Ark is falling. Falling down a NeoSpawn™ brand Portal-That-Looks-Like-A-Giant-Hole-In-The-Ground. 'Damn this hole,' he thinks. 'When does this thing stop?' Ark ponders himself into a light sleep, falling down a hole.

WHAM!!! Ark slams into something very solid and dry, something that seemed similar to the ground of a barren wasteland on another world. "Elle, stop being so rough!" he yelled. It was then that he opened his eyes to a barren wasteland on another world. "Wow...wait a damn minute! That old moron! He screwed up and threw me down the wrong hole! I'm in a barren wasteland on another world!" After Ark uses some language that would make even NeoSpawn cringe (NOT LIKELY!), he gets up and looks around himself. "Man. I hope this won't take very long. I want to get back to Crysta already..." Ark takes another long look, shrugs, picks up a bag of goodies that he brought along, and begins walking...not knowing where he is to go...

After a good bit of traveling, Ark sees a huge body of water. He takes a long drink, bathes a bit to fight the heat, and looks into the water at his reflection. "Boy, I sure do miss Crysta. All my friends are there. And Elle...oh, Elle, I miss you the most. We had wonderful times together, especially when the Elder was out. Now I'm in a sand pit with a giant puddle, and there aren't any people around, and I can't talk to the plants yet, and there aren't even any plants yet because I have to...um...damn it all, I hate this random insight-based amnesia sh*t I have to put up with!" Ark felt so bad, and missed all his friends so very much, that he had to cry himself to sleep. (Actually, he was crying because the fanfic lost its sense of humor for a while...too bad he doesn't know that there's some REALLY funny stuff in the Ra Tree! -NS) "What did you say?" (Er...nothing. Go back to sleep.) "No, I heard you say something!" (Just go to sleep.) "Tell me what the hell you said!" (Since I am the author of this fanfic, I am making Ark go the hell to sleep right NOW...see?) Ark falls fast asleep. (Muhaha, I am the master!)

Ark has a dream by the pool of water. He dreams that a large clown kicks a beach ball across a white kitchen, and the Kool-Aid Man comes off of a package nearby and grows bigger, and the Kool-Aid Man beats the living sh*t out of that stupid clown. Then a stray Random Monkey from Soulblazer Combat bites the Kool-Aid Man and he gets the magic 300 Random Monkey diseases, and kids everywhere eventually die from disease-ridden Kool-Aid. Ark walks in after the Kool-Aid Man is bitten by the hairy bastard. He shoves a plastic tube up his butt, lights a lighter in front of it, and aims at the monkey, and says "I hope you like my chili...I know I do!" and farts and the homemade flame-thrower roasts the monkey to death. Ark is then legally destroyed when Dais appears and sues him for Grand Death Monkey, which cost him 12,000,000 gems that he didn't have. Ark then wakes up with a start. (That was pretty damn hard to write. -NS)

Ark wakes up from his dream with a start (did I say that already?). He realizes that it was only a dream and catches his breath for a while. "Well, at least the fanfic is getting funny again." Ark sighs with relief and pulls out some NeoSpawn™ brand Food For Ark To Eat In Another World That Looks Pretty Miserable And Empty. Ark eats and gets up, and starts his adventure again.

It was about noon when Ark happened upon the grove of the Ra Tree. Only it looked like some hellish form of a grove-nothing resembled a grove here at all! Pools of lava and singed earth...it was pretty ugly. Ark threw one gem in the lava pool and made a wish. "I wish this fanfic would get funnier real fast..." Then the giant "tree" in front of him said, "Ark, I have been waiting for you for so long. If you don't hurry the hell up and crawl in here and kill this monster that's bothering me, I'm gonna hurl you in that lava pool, you sorry $&*@!^$&*(!%!!!!!" Ark looked up at the sky and whispered up happily to NeoSpawn, "Thank you!"

Ark crawled into the Ra Tree, and found a mess. He got some cool stuff out of these wobbling plant things, found a place with some water where he could get some flippers, and killed off some giant eye thing that hung out of a hole. "That was a bit too easy..." he said. Then an Indian appeared out of nowhere. "I am the great powerful shaman, Shaves-Balls-With-Torch. You look odd. This mean you bad. Me shave your balls with torch now." Saying this, the Indian produced a small oxyacetylene torch and ignited it quickly. Ark looked down at his...uh...equipment...and then looked back up at the Indian shaman who wanted to roast some wieners that Ark wouldn't like. Making a very easy split-second decision, Ark ran like hell out of the Ra Tree to get away. Luckily, halfway out, Ark remembered he had a spear and jammed it straight through the evil Shaves-Balls-With-Torch, ending the madness. "Whew...that was a close one..."

Ark got out of the Ra Tree and saw a lush grove filled with all sorts of plants, some of which were dancing and others that were just flowing with the wind. After talking to the Ra Tree about the world and finding out why everything was the way it had been, Ark was told to go to a mountain in the North. He packed his stuff up, picked some fruits from nearby trees, and went on, using his NeoSpawn™ brand Compass that Ark Can Use to Find North After Saving Ra Tree. After passing through the Guiana Cliff, Ark went straight on and found a whole lot of mountains to the left. He walked through a plasma storm on the way there, however, and was zapped by a lightning bolt, straight into Final Fantasy Tactics. Since everyone who was trying to attack Ark had to issue menu commands that made no sense and wait for their "active turn" to roll around, Ark was able to completely kill everyone since he stars in a real-time battle RPG. After that, Ramuh showed up late after a summoner who was now dead had called him. He saw Ark, saw dead people, and zapped Ark with a lightning bolt. Ark's hair fell out and he was immediately sent to the Displaced Video Game Character Hair Loss Recovery Center. When Crono appeared from nowhere and ripped all his hair out, Ark had it dyed and digitally infused into his bald head, leaving the problem in Crono's hands...er...head.

Ark was promptly struck by a falling power line and zapped back into his world. He was back in the spot where the storm had been, and after applying some NeoSpawn™ brand Emergency Ark Hair Dye to the Crono hair to get the right color, he pressed on towards the mountains he had seen. When he arrived, there were two souls and a sad flower who told Ark he had to go to another mountain to save some birds. Ark ranted and then set off for some other mountain. "Why should I have to do this? I'm gonna whiz on an electric fence whenever they get resurrected, and then I won't have to take this anymore!"

*** LOS ENDOS DE LA FANFICOS ***

Well, I wanted to get the fanfic out ASAP, so I made Part 2 shorter, guys. Be looking for Part 3, coming to a NeoSpawn™ brand cheese grater near you!