TALES FROM THE FREAK: THE DISAPPEARENCE OF SNAPE

(Based on a true story... except for the stuff I added just to make it more interesting)

*NOTE I DON'T WANT TO OFFEND CONSPIRACY, DAIS, OR SNAPE IN THIS FANFIC. I HOPE YOU WILL FORGET WHAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST.

SPECIAL THANKS TO JHIEND FOR CHECKING MY SLOPPY WRITING. BUT WHEN HE SENT IT BACK IT WAS WORDPAD DOC 6.0 AND I MADE SOME CHANGE THAT COULD NOT BE SAVED, BUT I STILL WOULD LIKE TO GIVE HIM CREDIT FOR HELPING ME OUT.

Narrator: It was a peaceful day at the Terranigma Worshipping HQ. Right now they are busy assembling high tech machinery.
Jhiend: Hold ladder steady now. Terranigma Freak, Conspiracy you 2 hold the bottom steady.
Terranigma Freak: Yeah yeah.
Conspiracy: I'm ready.
Jhiend: Snape you ready up there?
Snape: Yeah I'm ok. Dais hold the flash light steady.
Jhiend: Ok Cyrus give it to me.
Cyrus: Here. (note I did not put NT after everything Cyrus says cause I'm too lazy, and he doesn't do it that much any more. If you want to see it just imagine Cyrus saying.)
Dais: This is the third time so don't blow it.
Terranigma Freak: Hey third time's charm. *ACHOOOOO* BOOM!
Narrator: Everybody fell down. Cherubae come in to see what happened.
Cherubae: You guys manage screwed in the lightblub yet?
Cyrus: We almost had it but thanks Terranigma Freak we have start all over again. BOOOOOOM!!!!
Narrator: The whole place rumbles.
Dais: Oh no the Butt Hugger Aliens are back. What the hell do they want?
Cherubae: Battlestation everybody. Snape, Dais, and Consipracy you guys control the remote air attack units. Terranigma Freak and Jhiend you 2 man the defence canons. Cyrus you'll control the TMNT mech with me.

( God this pic was too cool so I didn't edit it. )

Dais: Ok launching air attack units.
Snape Weapons full power.
Conspiracy: Let's kick some Alien ass.
Cherubae: Launching TMNT mech.
Cyrus: Weapons armed and ready.
Terranigma Freak: Slippy here all systems go.
Jhiend: Oh be quite.
Narrator: A fierce battle begins. The Alien's cyber Armadillo starts to attack. The human type persons (thats us) counter attacks. The battle rages on for a long time. Laser fire blazed through the air. No birds dared to fly by. The Aliens attack the Terranigma Worshipping H.Q. like bees on honey. After awhile the humans seems to be losing.
Snape: Watch out, here comes another one. Ahh damage to unit 2.
Conspiracy: This is not good. Their armor is very thick. *BBOOOMMMM*
Cherubae: No they damaged the power generators.
Jhiend: Oh no DUCK!
Narrator: Everybody ducks.
Jhiend: No no I mean watch out for the duck.
Cyrus: Who the hell got these guys so pissed anyway?
Terranigma Freak: Hey don't look at me. I thought those guys were Halloween pranksters so I egged them. I didn't know their spaceship would crash a kill their high llama.
Cherubae: Yeah but it was Easter not Halloween.
Cyrus: Oh no we're lossing control of our mech.
Cherubae: Quick get it back in.
Cyrus: I'm trying I'm trying.
Jhiend: AAhhhh our weapons are out of power.
Dais: We're doomed!
Terranigma Freak: Wait I got some ballons. Let's fill it up with water and throw it at them.
Conspiracy: Sure right we're really gonna hurt them with water ballons.
Terranigma Freak: Take that you stinking Aliens.
Narrator: Terranigma Freak's water ballon hits one of the cyber armadillo. The armadillo melted into err you don't want to know.
Terranigma Freak: Hey it works.
Snape: I don't believe this.
Narrator: Everyone threw water ballons at the Aliens. One by one the Alien's ships melted. Finally the Aliens decided to surrender. The Aliens made an agreement to bring offerings each year.
Butt Hugger Alien: We will bring offerings every year, but why would you want our trash?
Cyrus: Cause we want to help you with your trash problems. We figured that you needed some place to take your gold and jewels.
Butt Hugger Alien: Oh you are most kind. We should make a holiday on our planet to celebrate you guys as our heros.
Jhiend: Don't sweat it. We just want to help.
Narrator: The Aliens leaves.
Everyone: (whispers) Suckers.
Terranigma Freak: Who would of thought gold and jewels would be trash for other beings.
Cherubae: Yeah we gonna get gold jewels di... BOOM!
Snape: Our first shippment of gold err I mean trash has arrived.
Terranigma Freak: Being buried alive by gold and jewels, what a way to go.
Cherubae: Get this stuff off me, or else I will bury you alive.
Cyrus: You know we should check on what's wrong with the mech.
Cherubae: Good idea. Snape, Dais, and Conspiracy go see if you guys can figure it out.
Narrator: They went inside the mech. Dais trips and fell into a bunch of wires and gets tangled. As Dais struggles he accidently kicks Snape and sends him fly into Conspiracy. Conspiracy fell down on a oil hose and squirts oil all over Dais.
Snape: Hey man why'd you kicked me?
Dais: Conspiracy squirted oil all over me.
Conspiracy: Snape pushed me.
Snape: Hey don't blame me you should watch where your going.
Dais: Why don't you watch where your going.
Conspiracy: Why don't both of you watch where your going.
Snape: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr you want to fight?
Dais: Come on I'm not afraid of you.
Conspiracy: You want to fight? COME ON!
Narrator: Conspiracy picked up a rocket laucher. Snape picked up a laser gun. Dais picked up a up sniper rifle and they started shooting. While they fought the others found something interesting.
Cyrus: Hey Cherubae I found out that you TMNT mechs warrenty ran out yesterday.
Cherubae: No wonder.
Terranigma Freak: Yeah once my rubber chicken's warrenty ran out and it started reciving telephone signals.
Dais: Terranigma Freak that rubber chiken is a telephone.
Jhiend: We better tell the others.
Narrator: When they got there they saw Snape, Dais, and Conspiracy they were still blasting each other in a 3 player Goldeneye battle.
Dais: DIE YOU TWO DIE HAHAHA!!!
Snape: Humph you can't shoot Moby Dick if it's 2 inches from you.
Conspiracy: I can't wait to get Perfect Dark, then I can put your face in the game and blow it up.
Cyrus: What the hell is wrong with you 3? Why are you fighting?
Dais: Why don't you ask Snape and Conspiracy?
Conpiracy: Shut up damn you.
Snape: Both of you shut up.
Cherubae: Hey you 3 stop fighting dammit.
Jhiend: Can I play next?
Dais Snape and Conspiracy: NO!
Jhiend: Jerks.
Cherubae: You guys are so stubborn. I'm going home to play Everquest.
Narrator: Everybody left early that day. The next day Cherubae and Snape was not there. Dais and Conspiracy carried on the fight without him. They battle it out in Quake, Duke Nukem, South Park, heck they even battled in Mario Kart. The day ended but Conspiracy and Dais did not settle down. This went on for a few more days. Then finally one day they started to cool down.
Dais: I think we should stop fighting.
Conspiracy: Alright. POW!
Narrator: They both bashed each other with a log.
Cyrus: Stop it you two. Cherubae and Snape are missing. Don't you guys even care.
Terranigma Freak: Yeah what he said.
Jhiend: We should search for them.
Dais and Conspiracy: Alright alright we'll stop.
Conspiracy: Shake?
Dais: Shake.
Terranigma Freak: Now then Dais you should go to Cherubae's house and I will go to Snape's place and see what is going on.
Narrator: Moments later Terranigma Freak returned.
Jhiend: So what happened?
Terranigma Freak: Well I talked to Snape's parents and they said he hasn't been home for awhile. They thought he was on another vacation.
Narrator: Dais returns and was dragging a fridge with him.
Cyrus: Where's Cherubae? And what's with the fridge?
Dais: Well...
Narrator: A flash back sequence begins. Dais enters Cherubae's home. Dais sees Cherubae sitting in front of her computer with a crazed look in her eyes and playing Everquest. She noticed Dais.
Cherubae: Hi Bob.
Dais: Err... I'm not Bob.
Cherubae: Right Ed.
Dais: Nope.
Cherubae: John.
Dais: Nope. It's Dais.
Cherubae: Right Dias. He really kicks butt in Star Ocean 2.
Dais: Ahem... err well now I know why you haven't shown up. Did you hear from Snape?
Cherubae: Sure you could borrow my fridge.
Dais: Err when will you be back?
Cherubae: No I think dogs are better pets.
Dais: Never mind. I'll be leaving.
Cherubae: Die you stupid rat, DIE!!!!
Narrator: Before Dais leaves he took Cherubae's fridge. Flash back sequence ends.
Dais: So that was what happened. I figure she needs to eat sometime so I took her fridge so she might wake up.
Jhiend: Maybe Snape took a vacation to cool off.
Conspiracy: Let's wait and see.
Narrator: 2 weeks past Cherubae came back and took her fridge back. Snape on the other hand did not return. Dais and Conspiracy starts to worry.
Dais: WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Where's Snape I miss him. WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Conspiracy: WWWWWAAAAAAIIIIIIIILLLLLLLL!!!!!! It all our fault. We drove him away.
Cyrus: Calm down man. We should look for him.
Terranigma Freak: Hey I know. We can put Snape's picture on a milk carton with a 1 million dallor reward. Then people are gonna search for him.
Jhiend: Great idea, let's get started.
Narrator: Everybody went to work. The next day nobody came to claim the reward. The day after that someone rang the door bell.
Terranigma Freak: I'll get it.
Narrator: When Terranigma Freak opened the door he saw a sexy girl standing there holding something.
Girl: Hi I'm lost can you tell me how to get to Main Street?
Terranigma Freak: (drooling) EEERRRR Oihk piyhi offfffffffffff.
Girl: Err?
Terranigma Freak: Errr eekk oooaa. Err I mean I want... to err...
Girl: Well I do it if pay me enough.
Terranigma Freak: Ok 300 bucks.
Girl: Deal(what fool I would of done it for 100 bucks).
Narrator: Terranigma Freak happily came back inside.
Terranigma Freak: Yahhhhhoooooooooooo. I got a nice new dinosaur coloring book. HAHAHAHA WAHAHAHA. That lady sold it to me. YYYYYYEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!
Cyrus: *NT*
Narrator: Intead Cyrus picked up a log and wacks Terranigma Freak's head.
Conspiracy: How can you think about coloring dinosaurs when Snape is missing.
Terranigma Freak: Sorry... I guess your right. I save it for later.
Narrator: Just when the day was about to be over a knock came from the door.
Cyrus: I'll get this one.
Narrator: When Cyrus opened the door all he saw was a letter on the floor.
Jhiend: Who was it?
Cyrus: I don't know but they left a letter.
Dais: What's it say?
Cyrus: (opens the letter) Hmm it says if you ever want to see Snape again then hand over you secert yak soup recipe, and $10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Terranigma Freak: Err? What recipe?
Cyrus: Oh no they got Snape.
Jhiend: What are we going to do, and how they know we got that much?
Conspiracy: We are not going to give them anything. We are going to rescue Snape. Are you guys with me?
Everybody: YEAH!!!
Dais: First we need a plan.
Terranigma Freak: I got one. We'll bust in, shoot everyone that gets in our way and rescue Snape.
Jhiend: Easier said then done, but I like it.
Dais: We need weapons.
Cyrus: Check.
Dais: More weapons.
Jhiend: Check.
Dais: Even more weapons.
Conspiracy: Check.
Dais: Cardboard boxes.
Jhiend: I got this box that still has stamp and address on it.
Dais: As long as you can fit in it.
Narrator: The rescue party got prepared and headed for the bad guys place. I'm too lazy too explain how they found it so bug off.
Terranigma Freak: Only one guy guarding the front door.
Dais: We can pretend we are selling girl scout cookies and knock him down when he's off guard.
Conspiracy: We don't have any cookies.
Cyrus: Don't worry I got a plan.
Narrator: Cyrus walks up to the guard.
Cyrus: Your parents just died. You have no money. Your kids hate you. Your wife is ill and you can't afford a doctor. Your kids don't care about you and runs off to join the circus. your wife passes away.
Guard: *sniff* Sob boo hoo hoo!!!!!
Cyrus: Your poor hamster is starving cause you can't afford to feed it. You try to set it free in the park so it can live but the cops arrest you. I feel your pain, let it out.
Guard: WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
Cyrus: (whispers) Go in while he's destracted.
Narrator: Everybody sneak pass the crying guard. Poor guy *sniff*. Err anyway back to the story. Cyrus runs in.
Guard: WWWAAAAAA... err wait I killed my hamster.
Dais: Ok time to put on those cardboard boxes.
Jhiend: Someone's coming, everybody down!
Guard: Hmm (looks down at Jhiend's box) looks like someone for got to drop this off at the post office. Oh well guess I'll deliver to post office now.
Narrator: He took Jhiend and dropped him off at the post office.
Cyrus: Oh no they got Jhiend. What should we do?
Dais: Don't worry, the post office always takes good care of you stuff.
Narrator: Meanwhile Jhiend is enjoying being a postal package.
Jhiend: (hammers smashing the box) AARRGGGHHH!!! (flame throwers fffffffffwooossshhhh) OOWWWW HOT HOT HOT!!! (knifes stabbing into the box) OH OW AH EEI.
Narrator: Well that explains what happened to my find china that my grandma mailed me. Anyway back to the story.
Cyrus: Man getting past all those cameras is gonna be hard.
Terranigma Freak: Damn just look at all those cameras.
Dais: Oh I got an idea, follow me.
Narrator: Dais jumps out and says...
Dais: Hey look over there it's Madonna.
Narrator: All those paparazii err I'm not sure how spell it but you know those guys with the cameras the always chases movie stars and tries to take their picture.
Conspiracy: Well I get those cameras are not a problem any more.
Jhiend: Hey guys I'm back.
Terranigma Freak: What happened?
Jhiend: You don't want to know.
Guard: Hey you, freeze!
Narrator: Everybody turns around and saw a guy that looks just like Perel. Dais went crazy, and charged right at the guy trying to shoot him down.
Dais: I'll kill you, I'll kill you! WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Cyrus: Dais come back.
Narrator: More goons came to help but were scared off by Dais's madness. He continues his mad pursue shooting wildly at everything.
Dais: YAYAYAYA!!! WAWAWAWA!!! Die Perel DIE!!!!!!
Narrator: They try too call for more help but...
Perel look alike: We have engaged the enemy in a spitball fight. They are armed with sling shots and are very vicious. We need help send more back up on the 3rd floor. Repeat we need back OWWWW!!!
Narrator: Dais shoot Perel look alike in the crotch ouch!
Dais: Yes I got him, I got him.
Cyrus: Get down Dais.
Jhiend: Man here come more people.
Narrator: Both sides started shooting. Spitballs flew all over the place.
Conspiracy: This is not good we better get outta here.
Terranigma Freak: Guys this way. Into the elevator.
Narrator: Terranigma Freak leaps towards the elevator.
Jhiend: No wait Terranigma Freak that's an opened elevator...
Terranigma Freak: AAAAAHHHHHHHH *BOOM* !
Jhiend: ... shaft.
Terranigma Freak: I'm ok. Let's climb these cables up to the next floor.
Narrator: They climbed up the elevator shaft to the next floor. There was one lone guard there so they quickly caught him.
Conspiacy: Ok tell us where you're holding Snape! Talk now or my slingshot might go off.
Guard: Please don't shot. I'll talk, I'll talk. Snape is in that room down the hall.
Dais and Conspiracy: Don't worry Snape we'll save you.
Narrator: Conspiracy and Dais charged head first at the door.
Dais and Conspiracy: *Boom* ouch. Again *Boom* ouch. Again * Boom* ouch.
Cyrus: It's not even locked you fools.
Dais and Conspiracy: (sitting on the floor dazed) ...Aunt ...Sally is that ...you?
Narrator: They charged in to look for Snape but all they found was a cow.
Jhiend: Hey what's going on here? Where's Snape?
Guard: That cow IS Snape.

( Got milk? Yeah yeah I could use the cows from Terranigma but this looks nicer. Yes they are wearing those stupid robes again.)

Dais and Conspiracy: Oh no we're too late. WAAAAAHHHH Snape we're sorry.
Terranigma Freak: Change Snape back, NOW!!!
Guard: But ...but it IS a cow. We stole it from soon farmer named Old Mick (I don't want to be sue for trade mark infrindgement so I called him Mick).
Dais: What you mean we wasted all that hard work to save some guy's cow?
Conspiracy: We saved the wrong Snape.
Cyrus: Man what a waste of time, and we even risked our lives for this.
Jhiend: This sucks.
Terranigma Freak: Let's make a steak out of it.
Narrator: They returned to the Terranigma Worshipping HQ after they returned Snape the cow to its owner.
Dais: Sigh where could the real Snape be?
Cyrus: Come on let's go to the old storage room and put the lightbulb in, and maybe we'll think of another way to find him.
Narrator: They went to the elevator, and when it opened Snape jumped out.
Snape: I'm free, I'm free.
Everybody: Snape!!!
Cyrus: What are you doing in there?
Snape: After I fought with Conspiracy and Dais I thought I go to some place quite to think it over but the elevator was stuck. I couldn't get out.
Conspiracy: Err... Snape how could the elevator move if you didn't even press the button!?!?
Snape: Err... oh right... I knew that....
Everybody: *NT* (BOOM everybody falls on the floor like Super Mario RPG)

THE END

Fanfics to come
????????? prologue
Yeah yeah I'm sure you all probably guess what I have in mind by now. There will be cameo appaerences by millions. Ark will be trapped in another game and will have to fight for his life.

Chapter 2
Ark and his men goes to look for the fame, incredibly smart, cunning, clever, and stylish strategist Terranigma Freak to guide them to victory. So sue me Conspiracy I like advertising my strategic skills. Of course the romance starts (damn I'm no good at writting this love stuff).